Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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