And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
