I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I FOUND THE LEGS
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
