Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
