I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
