You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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