Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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