yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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