every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
