if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
