My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
