i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
