***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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