we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
