you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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