I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Randomize
