I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
