don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
