What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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