Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
