i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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