I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
