Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
