Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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