Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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