Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
