fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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