The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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