You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
