it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
