Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
