mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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