Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
you traded sex for a burrito?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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