did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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