"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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