Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
