No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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