he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
