is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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