I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I know her cup size but not her name....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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