Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
