It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
