Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Too much gin, very little bucket
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
