So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
