why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
