I'm going to jail i love you
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
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