OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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