It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
