grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I will pee on everything he values.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
