I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
