i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
