Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
