Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
