so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
