I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
